June 16, 2024
Man lying on a giant pile of tires

GALLATIN COUNTY, MONTANA — In the bustling world of self-care, where lavender-scented everything reigns supreme and the sound of a bath bomb fizzing is almost a lullaby, a new trend is bulldozing its way into the hearts of many of the manly. Nitrogen-filled tires.

Gone are the days when self-care meant applying a face mask or taking time to meditate. Now, it’s all about the sweet, sweet hiss of nitrogen coming out of that green machine filling up those car tires, with guys nationwide claiming it’s a balm for the soul.

“There’s just something therapeutic about it,” says local resident and newly-minted nitrogen enthusiast, Chad Bronson. “The gentle purr of the pump, the soft green hue of the nozzle—it’s just pure zen. It’s finally something to bring Belgrade and Bozeman together, with a little room for Gallatin Gateway, too!”

FOMO, or the Fear of Missing Out, seems to be driving this trend as men everywhere rush to replace the mundane air in their tires with the more refined, upscale nitrogen. Social media is awash with posts, #nitrozen and #tiretherapy being some of the popular hashtags.

Nitrogen filled tire

“Honestly, I didn’t know what I was missing until I saw Gary post about his nitrogen tire experience on Instagram,” confesses Derrick Simpson. “I thought, if Gary’s doing it, I need to get in on this before I’m the last guy in town still riding on plain old air.”

But let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we? Nitrogen tire fill-ups can cost a pretty penny more than your regular air. Critics argue that it’s just another way for some folks to frivolously spend their money.

Pat Martins, a local skeptic, points out, “It’s like buying a gold-plated coffee maker. Sure, it’s shiny, but does it make your coffee taste $3,000 better? I doubt nitrogen makes their rides $100 better in any measurable way.” Even AAA-Turned-Mythbuster calls out that “it [nitrogen-filled tires] is of little benefit to vehicle owners who properly maintain their tires”.

Yet, there are those who really try to justify the purchase. Like Todd Harrison who claims nitrogen has not only improved his car’s fuel efficiency but also somehow manages to keep his heart warm on chilly Montana mornings. “It’s an investment in my well-being,” he states confidently.

Local workshops have caught onto the trend, with some offering a “Nitro-Spa Experience,” complete with dimmed lights, soft ambient music, and a complimentary tire pressure check.

As the world dives deeper into unique self-care practices, one thing’s clear: whether it’s essential oils or nitrogen-filled tires, everyone’s just looking for their little slice of serenity—even if it means splurging on something as invisible and bizarre as luxury tire air.