June 16, 2024
Viewing Town Pump on Earth from ISS

BOZEMAN, MONTANA — In a shocking report that underscores just how grand Montana’s ambitions can be, NASA today confirmed that the still under-construction flagship Town Pump on Huffine Lane is already visible from space. Yes, even before its grand opening, this budding behemoth is making interstellar waves.

“This might be the first time we’ve recognized a partially-built structure of this kind,” remarked NASA spokesperson, Dr. Clara Martinez. “I mean, we usually spot pyramids, great walls… but a gas station? That’s a first.”

Once completed, this fueling mecca will feature a whopping 150 gas pumps and an avant-garde car wash that local resident Lori Campbell cheekily described as, “a car wash that feels more like a theme park water ride.”

The excitement doesn’t stop there. Current blueprints reveal that one end of this sprawling complex will proudly host Krispy Kreme. Its planned neon sign, according to insiders, is set to create a neon glow seen across the valley.

Opposite to that, Montana’s inaugural Dunkin’ is slated to make its much-anticipated debut. “It’s poetic,” said long-time Bozeman resident Kathy Dubois. “A tale of two doughnuts, set against the backdrop of Montana’s most monumental fuel station. It’s like having the Montagues and Capulets in the same block… but for doughnuts!”

Fuel sommelier
Mark Harrison, training in Frankfurt, Germany

A peek at the plans showcases a range of jaw-dropping amenities: a mini shopping mall, a three-story dinosaur-themed children’s play area, and the pièce de résistance, Montana’s first-ever “fuel sommelier”, Mark Harrison. With a keen eye, Harrison promises to guide motorists in choosing the optimum octane, likening it to “selecting a vintage Bordeaux.”

CEO Gary Thompson, when quizzed about the grandeur of the ongoing project, said with a grin, “We’re not just building a Town Pump, we’re building a landmark. By the time we’re done, folks will travel from all corners of the planet to visit our flagship location.”

With its rapidly burgeoning structure, the only question that remains is: will we need to build a new space station just so astronauts can get a better view?