June 16, 2024

Photo by Günter Rupprich

MANHATTAN, MONTANA — Residents of Bozeman are up in arms after discovering that the neighboring town of Manhattan has been hoarding all of the best potatoes in the area.

“Those Manhattanites are keeping all the good stuff for themselves,” complained local resident Lillian Lamont. “Meanwhile, we’re stuck with these sorry excuses for potatoes from <sigh> Washington state. It’s just not fair.”

According to sources, Manhattan has been quietly stockpiling their potato harvests for years, building up a vast supply of top-quality spuds that are the envy of the region.

“They’ve got the best potatoes around,” said local farmer John Bucke. “I’ve tried to get in on their potato game, but they won’t share. It’s like they’re guarding some kind of precious treasure.”

Bozeman residents have been forced to make do with inferior potatoes from Washington state, which have been described as “mushy,” “bland,” and “not even worth the money.”

“I don’t understand why we can’t have nice things,” lamented Bozeman resident Caleb Cottonwood. “Why do the people of Manhattan get to hoard all the good potatoes? It’s just not right.”

Attempts to contact officials in Manhattan for comment were unsuccessful. But one thing is clear: the people of Bozeman will not rest until they have access to the same high-quality potatoes that their neighbors to the east are enjoying.

Photo Credit Günter Rupprich