June 16, 2024
Largest Carpeted Mall West of the Mississippi

Largest Carpeted Mall West of the Mississippi, No Longer?

BOZEMAN, MONTANA – The Gallatin Valley Mall, formerly known as the “Largest Carpeted Mall West of the Mississippi,” is undergoing a massive transformation. The mall is rebranding to “Gallatin Crossing” and tearing down part of its iconic carpeted building to make room for a series of smaller buildings.

Locals are distraught over the mall’s decision to drop its famous carpeted crown. “It’s a tragedy,” exclaimed shopper Travis Holden. “I’ve been coming here for years just to walk on that carpet, sometimes barefoot. It was like a massage for my feet!”

The mall’s management team insists that the change is necessary to keep up with the times. “We’re excited to be bringing in new businesses and creating a more modern shopping experience for our customers,” said mall manager Jasper Blart. “We know that some people are upset about the carpet, but we hope they’ll come to see the benefits of our new vision.”

Despite the reassurances, some customers are skeptical. “What’s next, turning the food court into a farmer’s market?” questioned longtime shopper Emily Nguyen. “This is just the beginning of the end for the mall as we know it.”

Only time will tell if the Gallatin Valley Mall’s decision to embrace its new identity as Gallatin Crossing will be a success. One thing is for sure: the end of an era has come, and the famous carpeted crown will be missed by many.


According to the slightly dated Gallatin Crossing website, there’s a medical pavilion coming (are medical services at a mall a thing now?), a Whole Foods coming soon (it’s actually built and open), and a furniture store called Arhaus.