June 16, 2024
Farm to table beef

FFB Burger, Photo Credit: Bozeman Grit

BOZEMAN, MONTANA — A new restaurant is set to open in Bozeman with a unique approach to sustainable farming. The restaurant, boldly called “Flatulence-Free Beef,” promises to serve only the most environmentally friendly and fart-free beef.

According to the restaurant’s owner, the cattle will be fed a special diet developed by MSU agricultural experts that minimizes their methane output. “We want to do our part for the environment,” he said. “We want to show that you can have your beef and eat it too, without adding dangerous levels of methane to the ozone.”

The restaurant’s head chef, who previously worked at a Michelin-starred restaurant in Paris, has developed a menu that showcases the unique taste of the flatulence-free beef. “Our burgers are so juicy and flavorful, you won’t even miss the methane,” he said.

The inaugural menu will feature highly anticipated options, such as:

  1. “The Low Emissions Burger”
  2. “The Climate Neutral Dog”
  3. “The Greenhouse Gas-Free Meatballs”
  4. “The Global Warming-Free Meatloaf”
  5. “The Carbon-Neutral Beef Stew”
  6. “The Sustainable Sloppy Joe” (Chef Recommends)

But not everyone is convinced. “I’m all for sustainable farming, but come on,” said local resident Rachel Poots. “I don’t think I can get on board with fart-free beef. It just sounds… unnatural.”

Despite the skepticism, Flatulence-Free Beef is poised to become the hottest restaurant in town. With a focus on eco-friendliness and sustainability, it’s sure to appeal to Bozeman’s environmentally conscious residents.

The restaurant is set to open this summer, and locals are already lining up for a taste of the future of farming. “Less methane, more burger,” said the owner. “That’s our motto.”