BOZEMAN, Montana — In an unexpected anomaly that has economists, dairy farmers, and sci-fi fans scratching their heads in bewilderment, WinCo’s milk prices have taken a dramatic plunge to a price that is simply udder-ly ridiculous.
According to local shoppers, prices have bottomed out to a shockingly low 83 cents per gallon, a price that hasn’t been seen since the days of neon leotards, big hair, and “We Are the World.” What could be the reason for such a drop in prices? Some speculate a dairy surplus; others, a typo in the price tag printing department. But the most probable reason? A Hot Tub Time Machine.
Yes, you heard it right, folks. In a world where technology is progressing at an unprecedented rate, it appears WinCo has stumbled upon the most advanced retail technology yet – time travel. Rumors are rampant that an unsuspecting employee discovered the time machine behind a stack of canned beans in the back storeroom in first-ever WinCo location, subsequently catapulting WinCo’s milk prices back to 1986.
You might be wondering how we’ve come to this bizarre conclusion. Well, as scientists will tell you, the only logical explanation for unexpired milk to cost less than a dollar in 2023 is, of course, a Hot Tub Time Machine. I mean, what else could it be? A DeLorean is so passé and nobody has seen a working Tardis in years.
So, there you have it. Whether you’re a serial cereal consumer, a budget-conscious coffee drinker, or a cookie dunking enthusiast, rush to your nearest WinCo before the time bubble bursts and prices return to the 21st century.
Just remember, when you see that 83 cent tag, you’re not just buying milk – you’re buying a piece of time-warped history. Just be wary of any hot tubs located near the dairy aisle. You might step in for a quick soak and step out to find that your carton of milk now costs more than your house.
The editor has always had a passion for the written word, ever since penning a Pulitzer-worthy essay at the tender age of five. Spending formative years traveling the world, writing about everything from Machu Picchu to the mall food court, The Editor eventually apparated in Bozeman, realizing a true calling as the editor-in-chief of Bozeman Grit.
