June 16, 2024
Bozeman Pothole

Bozeman Pothole / Photo Credit: S.R.

BOZEMAN, MONTANA — In a surprise announcement, the Bozeman Chamber of Commerce has officially declared “pothole season” as the fifth season of the year. Residents are advised to prepare themselves for the coming onslaught of vehicle damage and road hazards.

“Potholes are just as much a part of Bozeman as our mountains and exorbitant HOA fees,” exclaimed Laura Babcock, the highly enthusiastic spokesperson for the Bozeman Chamber of Commerce. “We decided to embrace this new season and give it the recognition it deserves as an important part of our local culture.” She then exclaimed, “Why settle for just being a winter wonderland when we can also be a pothole paradise?”

The announcement has been met with mixed reactions from the community. Some residents see it as a tongue-in-cheek way of acknowledging a problem that affects everyone, while others see it as a sign of the city’s failure to maintain its roads.

“I can’t believe they’re celebrating potholes,” said local resident, Nathaniel Norris. “It’s like they’re saying, ‘hey, we know our roads are terrible, but we’re just going to shrug it off and make a joke out of it.’ It’s not funny when you have to spend hundreds of dollars on new tires and alignment.”

Despite the controversy, the Chamber of Commerce is moving forward with plans to celebrate pothole season. They have partnered with local auto shops to offer discounts on tire repairs and alignment services, and they are encouraging residents to share their pothole stories on social media with the hashtag #BozemanPotholeSeason.

“We want to turn pothole season into a positive experience for everyone,” Babcock said. “It’s a time when we can all come together and commiserate over the state of our roads. And who knows, maybe we’ll even start a new tradition with our annual pothole jumping competition.”

As the city gears up to ride out the upcoming pothole season, residents are being warned to buckle up, hold on tight, and stock up on spare tires. Those who dare to venture out without a spare tire or a good chiropractor on speed dial do so at their own risk. And for those who think they can outsmart the treacherous terrain of Bozeman’s roads, just remember the cautionary tale of the man last pothole season who fell into an enormous pothole downtown and emerged in China.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned from years of pothole-ridden roads, it’s that sometimes, the best course of action is to simply close your eyes and hope for the best. (Disclaimer: don’t close your eyes when you’re driving. I can’t believe we have to say that.)

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