June 16, 2024

BILLINGS, MONTANA – City Brew, the beloved Montana-native coffee chain, has announced its Spring 2023 menu – and it’s causing quite a stir.

The menu, which was released in a somewhat cryptic social media post on Facebook and Instagram, left customers guessing about what new delights they could expect. Many were surprised to find that it noted only two new drinks: the “Pear Berry Charger” and the “Peachy Keen Soda.” However, “keen” social media users noted that the image displayed four drinks, two more than noted in the text posting. Curious.

But the real shocker? The menu features an item that many customers thought was long gone: a plain, basic croissant.

“I can’t believe it,” said regular City Brew customer, Juniper Woods. “I’ve been begging them for years to bring back the plain croissant. And now they finally have! It’s like they’ve been reading my mind.”

While some customers want more details about these new offerings, many are thrilled with the back-to-basics approach of the croissant.

“The simplicity of a well-made croissant is a staple of any French breakfast,” stated local food blogger and coffee lover Charlotte Dubois. “City Brew’s decision to offer a classic, no-fuss option is a refreshing change of pace.”

However, some customers are concerned about the lack of details in the menu announcement and the fact that there is no updated menu available anywhere besides the City Brew app.

“It’s almost as if City Brew wants to leave their customers in a perpetual state of decaffeinated confusion, driving them to scour the internet or make a pilgrimage to the nearest store just to uncover the mysterious details of their Spring 2023 menu. It’s a genius marketing strategy, really. Keep them guessing, keep them hooked.” said frustrated customer, Hazel Taylor. “I mean, what’s in the Pear Berry Charger? Is it even a coffee drink? And don’t even get me started on the Peachy Keen Soda.”

Only time will tell if City Brew’s bold move back to basics will pay off. But let’s be honest, they could serve dirty water in a cup and people would still line up around the block for their ridiculously good customer service.