June 16, 2024
Welcome to California

BOZEMAN, Montana — In a recent interview, “local” resident Vincent “Vinny” Santoro expressed his concerns about the changes he’s seen in Bozeman over the past few years. According to Santoro, the town has been “ruined” by the influx of Californians.

“I remember when Bozeman was a quiet, small town,” Santoro said. “But now, it’s all traffic and high-priced housing. And don’t even get me started on the food scene – it’s all avocado this, gluten-free that. What happened to good old-fashioned meat and potatoes?”

However, Santoro was shocked to learn that he himself is not a Montana native, but actually moved to Bozeman from Las Vegas in 2018.

“I…what? I’m from Vegas? No, no, that can’t be right,” Santoro stammered, visibly flustered. “I mean, sure, I lived there for 37 years, but that doesn’t make me a…wait, what was the question again?”

Despite this revelation, Santoro remains firm in his belief that the Californians are to blame for the town’s decline.

“It’s not just me, everyone knows it. We need to do something to stop them from coming here,” he insisted.

When asked what specifically he would propose, Santoro admitted he had no concrete plans.

“I don’t know, something.” he pondered. “Maybe a quiz at the city limits to make sure people really understand what it means to be a Montanan.”

As for Santoro’s own status as a recent transplant, he shrugged off any suggestion of hypocrisy.

“That’s different,” he said. “I moved here because I appreciate what Bozeman used to be. These Californians just want to change everything.”